Today, however, I have no theme or direction. Today, like this past weekend, has been a bit of an anxiety whirlwind in the non-wedding realm and, as a result, it sort of incapacitates the wedding half of my brain from working (not that I am devoting a whole half to my brain to wedding planning, I'm just referencing the half that does that sort of thing... however, I think both the left and the right are pretty involved given the nature of things, so just disregard it entirely).
Today, after being thrown a few bombs today in the world of what-brings-home-the-bacon (and, quite frankly, the world of what makes our country a better place for kids, hmph), I feel pretty spent. The horizon is looking borderline terrifying for a girl who is about get married, likely buy a house and you know, maybe have a kid of my own.
Security = desired. Security is not what I have.
I got to the moral so quickly today! Weird. So, what is it? Well, as I have learned so very much the hard way in the last several weeks and months, just because things are going really well in one part of your life, this does not guarantee you anything similar in any other facet of your life. I don't say this in a "woe is me" way, but simply matter of fact.
It is blindingly clear (at the moment, this will fade) to me why some brides-to-be turn into total and utter monsters leading up to their wedding. Now, let's be real, I am not naive in understanding that planning (and paying for) a wedding is likely stressful, and stress turns some people into ugly little critters. However, it is also one of the very best times of your life (well it should be, anyway) and you should be happy and joyful and full of love for everyone in the process, not the bride of Bigfoot (who could very well be a pleasant lady, so please do excuse my assumption). I've never quite understood the ladies who go down that dark and festering path of fist clenching, hyperventilating, crazy-eyes bride-to-be.
|see, this is NOT what is happening (sadly... they seem so happy!)|
used from: glamourdaze.blogspot.com
Brides aren't just sitting in their parlor lounging in their bridal skivvies with their best girl friends eating tootsie rolls and planning every detail of their wedding for ten months straight.
They have things to do and get done in the non-wedding realm as well. And, as a result of you know, real life happening, things get a little hectic. People drive you a little crazy. You turn into the scariest thing dressed in white since a beekeeper mixed with Marilyn Monroe.
Just letting that sink in.
Now, I am no where near the stages of constant decision making, phone calling, following up, and feeling the budget pull. However, I get it. On top of that, I am ridiculously thankful we decided to have our wedding next June so that hopefully (oh dear goodness do I hope) all of my job issues will be figured out (as in, I will have one and I will be happy in it) and I won't be a basket case covered in a white napkin (getting married to another woman in a state that doesn't recognize it all while hearing 'Friday' by Jessica Black played on the ukulele on repeat).
So what's next?
Well, I am going to lay in the puddle of crazy I have going on this evening and soak it up. I am going to hope that the bombs dropped on me today all are happening for a reason, and that everything will turn out as perfect as possible and as intended. I know life isn't always a fairytale with a happily every after ending, but I would like to think that what ever the plan is for me, I am making the decision that is the right one and will end up getting me closer to whatever my version of happily ever after is.
Additionally, I am also going to read through the new beautiful engagement card that greeted me when I got home today way more times than necessary and be really thankful that I have such an amazing soon-to-be-wife, family, and friends. I'll distract myself from the bacon-world and "what am I going to be when I grow up?" tizzy by searching for wedding cabins/venues and filling my head with 180 more ideas for our wedding that will only continue to make the decisions making and planning process more difficult.
Thank goodness for the distraction of wedding planning.
Wait. Maybe I'm giving those bridezillas way more credit and understanding than they deserve... they should be thanking their lucky stars they've had something to be preoccupied with for a year!
(see? it faded)